ICO

Completely boring in concept, completely great in execution. on May 02, 2007

If I read a basic synopsis of this game, I would think it was was of the most boring ideas I had ever heard. It would sound something like this-

"Boy wakes up in castle, sometimes hits stuff with a stick while guiding around a helpless girl who can't do anything for herself. Also, you shove some boxes around to get up to higher places wherein you shove some more boxes. Some exciting moments include -

1. Swinging from a chain and then jumping off the chain.
2. Lighting a torch "

While the above is entirely true, it is also entirely inaccurate. In that context, the game sounds like a 3d version of those countless 'shove crates here' games. It most certainly is not. Lighting torches actually feels like an accomplishment, as does finally getting somewhere after shoving a box around. Instead of feeling like a puzzle game, it feels like you really need to get the hell out of Dodge (or in this case get the hell out of Castle), and that the puzzles just happen to be a weird security measure.

This may not be a main point of interest for anyone at all, but the water by the windmill is the best water I have seen in any game to this day. Whenever a game has water, I compare it to that tiny pond in Ico, and nothing tops it.

If you want to play a game with a great pond, play Ico.

Shadow Hearts: Covenant

A porn and dog filled adventure. P.S vampire wrestler on May 02, 2007

Listen up gang,

This game has more porn and more dogs in it than any other game I have ever played. Not run-of-the-mill heterosexual porn, but a nice variety of gay porn. It is not explicit porn, so maybe it isn't even considered porn at all, but in order to get new moves for one of your characters (Gepetto and his doll), you bring cards featuring images of men to set of gay brothers, and one of them makes you an outfit. Most of the men on the cards are completely nude covering their member with a well-placed musical instrument or whatever object fits into the scheme of their name (such as Mr. Sax, Mr. Chef or Mr. Detective).

This aspect of the game is very comical, and each Mr. card is hilariously illustrated. If you're a simple, closed-minded individual who thinks you'll be cast into the fire in the center of the earth just for looking at them, avoid this game completely because you should be off studying your bible and living in fear for the rest of your life instead.

Next up, the dogs. Don't worry. There isn't dog porn in the game, and actually there aren't even many dogs. Most of them are wolves. One of the main characters in your party, Blanca, is a wolf with some sort of British accent. I should pause for a minute and say that the voice acting for all the likable characters in the game is really good. There are some obnoxious characters who annoyed me and I found the voice acting for them annoying on principle.

Back to the wolves. As Blanca, you fight in Wolf Bouts throughout the game. There are some truly memorable characters who are these wolves, including the zany last one. I don't really have much to say about the wolves other than what I did, but I thought mentioning them would make for a nice sensational subject title.

As for the vampire wrestler mentioned in the title, one of the characers you get named Joachim Valentine (the last name being a reference to Vincent Valentine from that other RPG) is a vampire who turns into a bat occasionally and happens to be a wrestler. I absolutely hate wrestling, but Joachim is a likable guy with the craziest weapons in the game (including a giant fish). His side story is an interesting one.

Speaking of stories, the main story is an interesting one. I won't go into detail about it since I forgot almost all of it already, but I assure you that while you're playing, it is interesting. Keep in mind I started the game two and a half years ago and didn't play for two of those years, picking it back up a few months ago. I would be the worst professional reviewer in the business.

I originally had a detailed explanation of the battle system, but my review was too long. Needless to say, the battle system is absolutely great and I never got tired of random battles, which is incredible. This game is swell, and so are you.